You wouldn't know it from reading my blog, but I think about blogging everyday, and I even blog in my head. I write long, random blogs while changing a diaper, folding laundry, preparing a meal. I guess that's all the blogging I am going to do during this season of my life. The needs of three kids is more than I could have imagined. It would be easy to keep them fed and fairly clean, doing only what is necessary to keep them alive. It the nurturing and time that takes a lifetime. I have been trying to focus on them, and less on "what I have to do." I convince myself that beds must be made everyday, showers must be had, floor must be mopped, dinner must be perfectly balanced and warm. I was really fooling myself. I would love to be able to do all those things and spend tons of quality time teaching and nurturing the kids, but that is not the current season. My children need me. That's it. My time, my attention, my love, my kindness, my direction, my encouragement, my bedtime stories, my hugs. That takes about all I have. Everything else but our basic needs does not fit in my day. I am very tired and feeling very fragile, but I realized that this is what they will remember. Time as a family and family traditions. This needs to be my focus, not appearing like the picture perfect wife and mother. I want to be my version of perfect, and that means putting down the mop and begging mother Mary for patience and help to make it through the day. I need it today!
