Thursday, March 4, 2010
So I have wondered what my first post after a long hiatus would be about. With so much happening in the last few months (the biggest being pushing out another human in a Rubbermaid tub in my bedroom) I didn't know where to begin. After the timing of finishing a humbling book and it being lent and all, I knew where I was to go with this. Motherhood.
I really try to look the part. I try to be the mom that has the clean, cutely dresses kids. The mom who has the healthy, yet yummy snacks. The mom who is patient and always kind. The mom who is on time. The mom who has it all together. The mom who is happy.
I have lots of parenting books that offer all kinds of advice. How to get your baby to sleep, how to discipline...oh how I love my discipline books, how to be a great parent, how to parent boys, how to parent girls, how to talk to kids, yada, yada, yada. But none of them can prepare you for motherhood really and truly.
I would like to think that I am managing 4 kids well. We have mostly good days with a few not-so-good moments thrown in occasionally, but this. is. really. hard. I have always said that keeping a child alive (fed, clean, out of danger) is really not the difficult part of being a parent. It is being there emotionally, mentally, spiritually and nurturing that little person into a decent big person, and in the past few weeks I am finding motherhood even harder because I am a selfish person. Aren't we all? Isn't this what caused the fall of man? I am certainly no different that Adam and Eve when it comes to being a sinful person. The moments when I start to think about what I can't do because I have 4 beautiful children are not good moments for me. They are reminders that I live a very blessed and rich life filled with smiles, hugs, laughs but I sacrifice to have them. Isn't that what motherhood is all about? The days of sleep and impromptu trips are over! We sacrifice every day, hour and minute to give our children all of us. The demands of motherhood are unrelenting, and can wear on you, until you see a smile, hear a laugh or dry a tear. I am slowly working out of this selfish place and opening my eyes to see the beauty and gift that I have right in from of me, because isn't that what motherhood is all about?