I am reading this book tonight. On page 27 I begin to cry, my EXACT thoughts, feelings, emotions are written in this paragraph. It is the EXACT place I am at. I was shook to my core. This book is speaking to me. God is speaking to me.
"I wake to self-hatred. To the wrestle to get it all done, the relentless anxiety that I am failing. Always, the failing. I yell at children, fester with bitterness, forget doctor appointments, lose library books, live selfishly, skip prayer, complain, go to bed too late, neglect cleaning the toilets. I live tired. Afraid. Anxious. Weary. Years, I feel it in the veins, the pulsing of ruptured hopes. Would I ever be enough, find enough, do enough?"
3 comments:
That looks like a good book! I'll have to check it out. I think most moms with lots of tiny children could cry reading those words. She's taken them straight from our hearts! Motherhood and life are a constant race and balancing act and probably only perceived as a success if the "failures" can be viewed as unimportant. Tell that to a perfectionist though! Hang in there! You're one of the best moms I know.
I'm gonna have to add that to my to-read list. I'm right there with you. We've gotta struggle on. God is with us and loves us even when we fail, which is every day at least 80 times. Love you friend!
You are too hard on yourself Jenny!!! Too too hard. I do know that motherhood and homeschooling is a very challenging calling and I know that a lot is on your plate everyday. It is completely demoralizing the way the work (dishes, laundry, housecleaning) gets "undone" so quickly.
But what else can we do?
Just keep on keeping on Jenny. You're doing a great job! And you are raising good kids.
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